Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
