Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
