Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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