Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
