It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
NoShamevember. You game?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
