Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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