she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
