I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
