I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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