capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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