Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You made out with two different species that night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
