did you get engaged???
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
