I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
