so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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