i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
