Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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