You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
