I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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