Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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