He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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