i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
