smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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