Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
