My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
