That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
