Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
