Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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