I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
