I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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