Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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