First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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