I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
