If that was your dad, he is hot
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
