He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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