my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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