If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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