A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
