I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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