I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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