dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The uberlube is also flammable
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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