I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
