for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
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