It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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