Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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