I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
