So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
