Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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