Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
