He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
