Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
