I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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